Oh hey lovelies! Happy Monday! On the heels of my meant to thrive post, (click here if you haven’t read that yet), we’ve had a very rough week, we caught a nasty stomach virus at my work and we’ve been saturating ourselves in oils, herbs, vitamins and even bleach and Lysol (I try to avoid nasty chemicals like that but we ran out of everything and there is a time and a place for these things y’all.) My poor mama got it too, and thank GOD is ok as she’s been waiting eagerly for a very special first time ever trip with one of my sisters. At one point last week, I looked at my poor sick little girl and it hit me like a brick to the gut, I need to do more than just talk about thriving. (Yes, yes, you CAN have multiple “come to Jesus moments” on the same subject you all). But it hit me, (yes, for the umpteenth time), that I need to take action, and make it happen. This time, it hit me even harder because I saw the reflection of my decisions in my sick babies faces. It’s all well and good to talk about choosing the positive and choosing to thrive but I heard the best quote last week, “You have to choose your hard. Sometimes you have to choose the hard things to live an easy life. Choosing the easy way can mean living a hard life”. She went on to explain that you have to figure out what your hard is, too. For me, my hard is, well, let me just expose myself here, choosing to not make decisions based out of financial fear. For me, my hard is choosing to not just turn into a workhorse to “solve” the issue. It’s terrifying for me.
See, I know God protects my little ones. Despite the anguish I felt in my mama gut this last week I knew God was protecting my babies and they weren’t going to die. I feel confident that our actual health and welfare is safe. But for whatever reason, I struggle SO DAMN HARD with letting go of our finances and trusting God to provide that as well. I mean control freak, make horrible decisions, constantly stress about it/stay up all night struggle hard. I’ve been a work-a-holic as long as I can remember. Not because I enjoy it, but because we have had financial duress and I went about it solving that issue the way I believed to be best. You guys, I’m a champ at “jumping off the cliff” and trusting with every major life choice EXCEPT finances. That one, then I’m like nooo nope nope sorry God I got this. Because of course He’d rather me work seven fourteen hour days a week than provide for us via a way that doesn’t cause me actual physical harm. (insert eye roll).
I also feel the need to be the financial answer to everything and everyone. Because, you know, of course I’m going to do a better job at that than the Creator Himself. (insert second eye roll). You guys, decisions made out of fear are NEVER good ones. And I have come to realize that pretty much every single dang decision I’ve made financially for as long as I can remember has been made out of FEAR. And, well, that’s not good.
My husband and I had a major conversation this week, and we came to a mutual decision that the way things have been going, must change. Our babies are paying the price. We are a single income household, my hubby is in medical school and we are both fully aware money doesn’t grow on trees. But, we are meant to thrive, and I am unable to have my family thrive with the current state of affairs. So I am jumping off this cliff, and I know I will have moments where I regress and moments I don’t trust (thank heavens for grace and mercy) but it wouldn’t be a journey if it happened overnight and I am HUMAN. I shall work to have grace for myself. Let’s choose abundance you all, figure out our “hard”, and do it. Start now, where we are, just start.
EDITED TO ADD: this afternoon I ran into a dear member of my family who sent me this message below, God will always answer when our hearts cry out.
Jesus’ words ,found at Matthew 6:25-32. In part he said: “Stop being anxious about your souls as to what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your bodies as to what you will wear. . . . Observe intently the birds of heaven, because they do not sow seed or reap or gather into storehouses; still your heavenly Father feeds them. . . . Who of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his life span? Also, on the matter of clothing, why are you anxious? Take a lesson from the lilies of the field, how they are growing; they do not toil, nor do they spin . . . So never be anxious and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or, ‘What are we to drink?’ or, ‘What are we to put on?’ For all these are the things the nations are eagerly pursuing. For your heavenly Father knows you need all these things.”