Beyoncé just announced that she will be giving birth to twins. Besides my slight jealousy of her incredible maternity photoshoot, and the undeniable fact that the contrast in our social status will yield several differences in our experiences being twin moms, (for example, I doubt having a housekeeper is an issue for her), there are many things that will be the same as they apply to any mom of multiples. So, if Queen Bey was to sit down for coffee with me, here’s what I would share about what I’ve learned being a twin mom.
1. They will almost never accomplish milestones or do anything at the same time, so really try to let go of comparing them at all. This was a huge one for me to learn! As if the temptation to compare your own children to other children isn’t bad enough, having children born at the same time exacerbates the situation immensely. You will most likely be constantly tempted to question why Baby A isn’t doing what Baby B is doing yet, or vice versa. They will grow at different rates too, so try to ignore all the people who feel it is their duty to point that out to you.
2. Speaking of people commenting, you will see that no matter where you go, you now feel like a circus. Everyone will notice and want to ask, ‘are they twins?’ ‘How much did they weigh?’ ‘Do twins run in your family?’. People will ask this often enough you will start to daydream about all the snarky remarks you want to make, but you don’t, because well, you’re trying to not be a jerk. Personal space is now a thing of the past (although Beyoncé is probably a bit more used to that than I was).
3. Get a good baby carrier. Even if your twins are nothing like mine and love strollers (mine screamed as if I was boiling them alive every time we tried strolling) you will never regret getting a good carrier. I highly recommend the TwinGo (and no, I am NOT paid to say that. It’s just the best twin carrier on the market period).
4. Everything takes ten million times longer than it used to. In fact, you may never be on time again. (Or at least it hasn’t happened for me yet…) Accept it, embrace it, roll with it and just don’t care. Cause frankly there is nothing you can do about it.
5. You will probably feel guilty from the time they are born until, well, forever. Beyoncé even has more need to share her mama love than I do because she already has Blue Ivy. For me, the guilt comes from when I need to tend to one twin and make the other wait. This will happen no matter what you do or how hard you try. Beyoncé will have to find a way to tend to all three, and no matter what help she may employ, nobody is mama. And there will come a time all three want her at once and she will have to choose who to take care of first. Cue the mom guilt.
6. Should you choose to breastfeed, you will have a day, or possibly many days, when you realize that the majority of your time is now spent with someone sucking on you, or pumping. You might even be tempted to just change your name to Cow and start telling everyone your house is now a full time dairy.
7. Friends and family who don’t have multiple children might not get it. It’s not their fault, and it doesn’t mean they don’t love you or that they’re not insanely busy too, but the facts are one baby is different than two. Everything literally takes twice as long. You’re twice as tired, twice as hungry, well, you get the point. And yes, it’s also twice the love and joy. But you will probably be so tired you won’t realize that for a while.
8. Coffee, wine and chocolate are mandatory items. Without coffee I would have been in an even deeper fog, chocolate because breastfeeding twins means you burn an insane amount of calories, and wine because sanity. (And yes you can have wine and breastfeed, see my video rant on that here)
9. Take care of yourself, whatever that entails. I struggled with PPD (read more on that here), and it was greatly exacerbated by the fact I went back to work so early. Taking care of two brand new humans is no joke, and she even has another kiddo in addition to that. Beyoncé probably can dictate her own schedule by this point, and I hope she takes whatever time she needs.
10. Try to remember to focus on the things that matter, and that is keeping those babies and yourself alive and well. While as I said before, Beyoncé probably doesn’t have a hard time getting what help she needs, I still imagine there are things she won’t be able to accomplish that she wanted to. And I hope she remembers that’s ok. What’s important are those babies, her daughter, herself and her husband. And if that doesn’t all make a full time job I don’t know what does. But no matter how hard the days, it will always be worth it. And your heart will have never been so full.